Quotes · Skopia

41 quotes

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Chris Rock23 quotes

Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Cause it’s hard to keep up the lie. 'Cause you can't get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can't get nobody lookin' like you look, actin' like you act, soundin' like you sound. That's right, when you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative! — Chris Rock · 1999 What the fuck do women want? I know what you want: everything. — Chris Rock · 1999 Prenuptial agreement. Everybody needs a prenup! People think you gotta be rich to get a prenup, oh no! You got 20 million, your wife want 10, big deal, you ain't starvin'. But if you make 30 thousand, and your wife want 15, you might have to kill her! — Chris Rock · 1996 You could be the baddest mama on earth. I don’t give a fuck how good you are. Ain't nothing you can say more powerful than, "I’m gonna tell your daddy." — Chris Rock · 1999 There ain't a white man in this room that would change places with me. None of ya! None of ya would change places with me...and I'm rich! That's how good it is to be white. — Chris Rock · 1999 I am scared of young white boys. If you white and under 21 I am running for the hills. — Chris Rock · 1999 All 23 quotes →

Dave Chappelle10 quotes

Men have nice cars. Not cause they like nice cars. Because they know women like nice cars. That’s how it goes. Cause men are hunters. And the car is the bait. And a woman comes up and says: “Ooh, nice Porsche.” “Gotcha, bitch!” — Dave Chappelle · 2000 Every black dude in this room is a qualified paralegal and shit. He knows the law. If one of us even start to do something wrong, an old black man would pop out of nowhere. Nigga, don’t do that. That’s 5 to 10. — Dave Chappelle · 2000 I mean, there could be a black president one day, but…You don’t wanna be the first one. I mean the second or third that's fine, but…that first nigga better watch out. — Dave Chappelle · 2000 New white people. You can’t scare these white people. I tried. Roll up on 'em: BOO! "What the hell is wrong with you? Those days are over." — Dave Chappelle · 2000 John F. Kennedy. Remember him? He fucked Marilyn Monroe. Matter of fact, him and his brother Bobby fucked Marilyn Monroe. And history doesn’t talk about that much. You know why history doesn’t talk about that much? Because those two pages in history are stuck together. — Dave Chappelle · 2000 Chivalry is dead. And women killed it. — Dave Chappelle · 2000 All 10 quotes →

Mitch Hedberg5 quotes

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that. — Mitch Hedberg · 1999 You know you can't please all the people all the time, and last night all those people were at my show. — Mitch Hedberg · 1999 I especially hate turtlenecks. Like wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. — Mitch Hedberg · 1999 I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely screws up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see. — Mitch Hedberg · 1999 Whenever I walk people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, you throw this away." — Mitch Hedberg · 1999

Sarah Silverman3 quotes

You're born a sinner. By being born you are a sinner and you're going to hell. But you can just apologize and then you can go to heaven. No big deal. If you're a murderer—same thing, it's just apologize and go to heaven. — Sarah Silverman · 2013 I don't care if you think I'm racist, I just want you to think I'm thin. — Sarah Silverman · 2005 Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believes it was the blacks. — Sarah Silverman · 2005