Quotes · Skopia

21 quotes

1982

★ 6.9

Men have nice cars. Not cause they like nice cars. Because they know women like nice cars. That’s how it goes. Cause men are hunters. And the car is the bait. And a woman comes up and says: “Ooh, nice Porsche.” “Gotcha, bitch!”

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 6.1

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

Every black dude in this room is a qualified paralegal and shit. He knows the law. If one of us even start to do something wrong, an old black man would pop out of nowhere. Nigga, don’t do that. That’s 5 to 10.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 5.3

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

I mean, there could be a black president one day, but…You don’t wanna be the first one. I mean the second or third that's fine, but…that first nigga better watch out.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 5.3

Essay

There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

Gore Vidal

1956

★ 5.2

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

New white people. You can’t scare these white people. I tried. Roll up on 'em: BOO! "What the hell is wrong with you? Those days are over."

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 4.5

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

John F. Kennedy. Remember him? He fucked Marilyn Monroe. Matter of fact, him and his brother Bobby fucked Marilyn Monroe. And history doesn’t talk about that much. You know why history doesn’t talk about that much? Because those two pages in history are stuck together.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 4.5

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

Chivalry is dead. And women killed it.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 4.0

Autobiography and memoir

Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to no one.

Duke Ellington

1973

★ 3.8

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

If pussy was a stock, it would be plummeting right now because you’ve flooded the market with it. You’re giving it away too easy.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 3.7

Interview · Magazine

Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.

Gore Vidal

1973

★ 3.6

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

You gotta make life interesting like that cause the shit is flimsy. Life is flimsy. You…you think you’re gonna live, but ain’t nobody gon’ live forever.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 3.6

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

That girl was young, and she made a mistake that young girls make. She wanted to fuck a powerful man. Period. That’s as far as she thought it through.

Dave Chappelle

Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 3.6

Novel

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

Marjorie Rawlings

The Yearling · 1938

★ 3.5

Essay

The more money an American accumulates the less interesting he himself becomes.

Gore Vidal

1972

★ 3.5

Novel

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.

Jonathan Safran Foer

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close · 2005

★ 3.5

Novel

I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.

Jonathan Safran Foer

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close · 2005

★ 3.5

Newspaper

Sometimes I think of the books I'll never read that would have changed my life.

Jonathan Safran Foer

2005

★ 3.5

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

I’m not saying I don’t like police. I’m not saying that. I’m saying I’m just scared of 'em. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we want to call them too. Somebody broke into my house once. This is a good time to call 'em. But I didn't, I don’t know, mm-mm.

Dave Chappelle

Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly · 2000

★ 2.8

Interview

You have to take chances for peace, just as you must take chances in war... The ability to get to the verge without getting into the war is the necessary art. If you try to run away from it, if you are scared to go to the brink, you are lost.

John Foster Dulles

1956

★ 1.8

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