Quotes · Skopia

140 quotes

I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992 I said "biiiitch"… — Craig · 2012 Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993 Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love. — Leslie Knope · 2009 This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973 Women are born with pain built in. It's our physical destiny. Period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don't. They have to seek it out. — Belinda (Fleabag) · 2019 All 9 quotes →

Food6 quotes

Food and sex. Those are my two passions. — George Costanza · 1997 There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food. — Ron Swanson · 2014 We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third. — Leslie Knope · 2011 It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops. — Elaine Benes · 1997 Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it. — Morty Seinfeld · 1996 Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand? — Ron Swanson · 2011

Friends5 quotes

You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1995 Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. — Lisa Simpson · 1994 After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away. — Carrie · 2002 I don’t need another friend, I already have two. — Sam Weir · 2000 We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third. — Leslie Knope · 2011

Relationships5 quotes

I said "biiiitch"… — Craig · 2012 Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993 This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993 Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1997 I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1996

Misanthropy4 quotes

I just-I can’t stand the sound of the human voice. — Larry David · 2009 I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with. — Larry David · 2002 When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. — George Costanza · 1995 If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. — Ron Swanson · 2012

Clothing3 quotes

I like my money right where I can see it-hanging in my closet. — Carrie · 2003 It's after six. What am I, a farmer? — Jack Donaghy · 2006 You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable." — Jerry Seinfeld · 1989

Failure3 quotes

It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat-it's all been wrong. — George Costanza · 1994 Because doing more than the minimum work is my definition of failing. — Jeff Winger · 2009 Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. — Homer Simpson · 1990

Gender relations3 quotes

I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992 I said "biiiitch"… — Craig · 2012 Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love. — Leslie Knope · 2009

Growing up3 quotes

Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day, you’re in diapers; next day, you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house…like a lot of other houses; a yard like a lot of other yards; on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is…after all these years, I still look back…with wonder. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1993 Maybe we both realized that growing up doesn’t have to be so much a straight line as a series of advances and retreats. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1988 Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... Full of love and courage... Grow up stealthily in their sleep. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1988

Love3 quotes

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. — Carrie · 2004 This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973 If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living? — Ron Swanson · 2009

Talking too much3 quotes

Oh, now you’re saying that I’m redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over! — Frasier Crane · 1985 I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out. — Kelly Kapoor · 2010 Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. — Michael Scott · 2009

The human condition3 quotes

Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... Full of love and courage... Grow up stealthily in their sleep. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1988 I always figured girls knew exactly what they wanted. They knew-they had a plan. Or maybe they didn’t. Maybe they were just as confused as we were. Isn’t that great? It's-it’s horrible. They don’t know either. That means nobody knows. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1989 The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't to search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead. — Mr. Peanutbutter · 2014

Abortion2 quotes

Get the government out of my fucking snatch. — Selina Meyer · 2014 Okay, no uterus, no opinion. — Rachel Green · 2002

Avoiding responsibility2 quotes

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. — Michael Scott · 2007 Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. — Homer Simpson · 1993

Being single2 quotes

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone. — Larry David · 2011 Celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships. — The Priest · 2019

Breakfast2 quotes

There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food. — Ron Swanson · 2014 Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand? — Ron Swanson · 2011

Courtship and dating2 quotes

I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he? — Charlotte (Sex and the City) · 2000 A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone. — Larry David · 2011

Giving up2 quotes

I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. — George Costanza · 1993 You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable." — Jerry Seinfeld · 1989

Hating men2 quotes

I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992 Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993

Leadership2 quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. — Michael Scott · 2005 Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes? — Oscar Martinez · 2009

Looking for love2 quotes

All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there’s someone perfect, who might be searching for us. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1990 I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he? — Charlotte (Sex and the City) · 2000

Looking for the one2 quotes

Modern life2 quotes

Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely fucking alone. — Fleabag · 2016 No, I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, who to love and how to tell them. — Fleabag · 2019

Parties2 quotes

If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. — Ron Swanson · 2012 What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1991

Relationship challenges2 quotes

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1997 I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1996

Self-criticism2 quotes

Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. — Lisa Simpson · 1994 That voice, the one that tells you you're worthless and stupid and ugly…it goes away, right? — Hollyhock · 2017

Self-hatred2 quotes

I do hate myself but it has nothing to do with being Jewish. — Larry David · 2001 That voice, the one that tells you you're worthless and stupid and ugly…it goes away, right? — Hollyhock · 2017

Sex2 quotes

I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart. — Fleabag · 2019 Food and sex. Those are my two passions. — George Costanza · 1997

Talking2 quotes

He’s nice, bit of a close talker. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1994 You can't believe this woman. She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going "excuse me?", "what was that?" — Jerry Seinfeld · 1993

The one2 quotes

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