Quotes · Skopia

212 quotes

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. — Harry Burns · 1989 No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive he always wants to have sex with her. — Harry Burns · 1989 Why, don't you have a dark side? No, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their i's with little hearts. — Harry Burns · 1989 When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side. — Harry Burns · 1989 I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. — Harry Burns · 1989 Right now, everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love, and that's wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of that's-mine-this-is-yours. — Harry Burns · 1989 All 7 quotes →

Walter Sobchak7 quotes

That rug really tied the room together, did it not? — Walter Sobchak · 1998 Smokey, my friend, you're entering a world of pain. — Walter Sobchak · 1998 Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos. — Walter Sobchak · 1998 Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero! — Walter Sobchak · 1998 Aw fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling. — Walter Sobchak · 1998 Life does not stop and start at your convenience you miserable piece of shit. — Walter Sobchak · 1998 All 7 quotes →

Peter Gibbons6 quotes

So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, um, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life. — Peter Gibbons · 1999 Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms, and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements! — Peter Gibbons · 1999 The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care. — Peter Gibbons · 1999 I don’t like my job and I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore. — Peter Gibbons · 1999 Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be. — Peter Gibbons · 1999 I'd say in a given week, I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work. — Peter Gibbons · 1999

Buddy5 quotes

There's room for everyone on the nice list. — Buddy · 2003 I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite. — Buddy · 2003 The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. — Buddy · 2003 Treat every day like Christmas. — Buddy · 2003 You sit on a throne of lies! — Buddy · 2003

Lt. Frank Drebin5 quotes

By the way...I faked every orgasm! — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988 Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988 Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before...birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988 Protecting the safety of the Queen is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988 Her hair was the color of gold in old paintings. She had a full set of curves and the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day. She was giving me a look I could feel in my hip pocket. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988

Phil5 quotes

What if there were no tomorrow? — Phil · 1993 What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered? — Phil · 1993 Anything different is good. — Phil · 1993 Well maybe the real God uses tricks, you know? Maybe he's not omnipotent. He's just been around so long he knows everything. — Phil · 1993 I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude. That's where I see myself in five years. How about you? — Phil · 1993

Ralphie Parker5 quotes

We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice. — Ralphie Parker · 1983 Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us. — Ralphie Parker · 1983 In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. — Ralphie Parker · 1983 It was all over—I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Mmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me. — Ralphie Parker · 1983 Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. — Ralphie Parker · 1983

Derek Zoolander4 quotes

Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking? — Derek Zoolander · 2001 Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty. — Derek Zoolander · 2001 If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. — Derek Zoolander · 2001 People come up to me all the time and say "you should be a model," or, "you look just like a model," or "maybe you should try to be a man who models." And I always have to laugh because I'm so good looking. Of course I'm a model. — Derek Zoolander · 2001

Garth Algar4 quotes

We fear change. — Garth Algar · 1992 Let me tell you a little something I've learned about women. They want you to come get them. They love it. — Garth Algar · 1992 It's like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that's just really sad. — Garth Algar · 1992 Live in the now. — Garth Algar · 1992

Jack Byrnes4 quotes

He can't lift the seat, Greg. He lacks the strength in the opposable thumbs. — Jack Byrnes · 2000 You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down. A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out the way dogs do. — Jack Byrnes · 2000 I'm a realist. I understand it's the 21st century and you've probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. Is that understood? — Jack Byrnes · 2000 I will be watching you, studying your every move, and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown. — Jack Byrnes · 2000

Reg4 quotes

If you wanted to join the P.F.J., you'd have to really hate the Romans. — Reg · 1979 Listen, the only people we hate more than the Romans are the fucking Judean People's Front! — Reg · 1979 Well, what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek who are the problem. — Reg · 1979 All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? — Reg · 1979

Ron Burgundy4 quotes

I'm kind of a big deal...people know me. — Ron Burgundy · 2004 Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era. — Ron Burgundy · 2004 I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. — Ron Burgundy · 2004 Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina. — Ron Burgundy · 2004

Wayne Campbell4 quotes

Yeah, that's what she said. — Wayne Campbell · 1992 Well that's where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor. — Wayne Campbell · 1992 I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be. — Wayne Campbell · 1992 Will you still love me when I'm in my carbohydrate, sequined-jumpsuit, young-girls-in-white-cotton-panties, waking-up-in-a-pool-of-your-own-vomit, bloated-purple-dead-on-a-toilet phase? — Wayne Campbell · 1992

Bob Wiley3 quotes

So, the psychiatrist has a patient, draws a circle, what do you think of when you see this? He says, sex. That's not the joke, wait a second. He draws a picture of a tree, what do you think of when you see it? Sex. He draws a picture of a car, house, sex, sex, sex. The doctor says, you know, you're obsessed with sex. The patient says, well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures! — Bob Wiley · 1991 Is this a breakthrough, that I'm a sailor? I sail? I sail now? — Bob Wiley · 1991 I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful. I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful. I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful. — Bob Wiley · 1991

David Wooderson3 quotes

That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. — David Wooderson · 1993 Alright, Alright, Alright. — David Wooderson · 1993 Man, it’s the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. You know, if it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this: the older you do get, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’, man, L-I-V-I-N. — David Wooderson · 1993

Happy Gilmore3 quotes

If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996 I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. — Happy Gilmore · 1996 I was on this tour for one reason, money. But now I got a new reason, kickin' your ass! — Happy Gilmore · 1996

Inigo Montoya3 quotes

Hello. My name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. — Inigo Montoya · 1987 You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. — Inigo Montoya · 1987 You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life. — Inigo Montoya · 1987

Prince Akeem3 quotes

I want a woman that will arouse my intellect as well as my loins. — Prince Akeem · 1988 No journey is too great when one finds what he seeks. — Prince Akeem · 1988 America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets! — Prince Akeem · 1988

Clark Griswold2 quotes

We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! — Clark Griswold · 1989 Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now. — Clark Griswold · 1989

Daniel Hillard2 quotes

Do you ever wish you that sometimes you could freeze frame a single moment in your day, look at it and say, "this is not my life?" — Daniel Hillard · 1993 We've come to this planet looking for intelligent life. Oops, we made a mistake. — Daniel Hillard · 1993

Dean Vernon Wormer2 quotes

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Dean Vernon Wormer · 1978 The time has come for someone to put his foot down and that foot is me. — Dean Vernon Wormer · 1978

Del Griffith2 quotes

Love...is not a big enough word. It's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife. — Del Griffith · 1987 You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. — Del Griffith · 1987

Denise2 quotes

I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer. — Denise · 2008 In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever. — Denise · 2008

Dewey Finn2 quotes

Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man? Well, he's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, Miss Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank, ok? And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just give up! — Dewey Finn · 2003 Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady. — Dewey Finn · 2003

El Guapo2 quotes

Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you. — El Guapo · 1986 Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and find out that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora. — El Guapo · 1986

Johnny2 quotes

Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990 I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1...2...10! — Johnny · 1990

Lloyd Christmas2 quotes

So you’re telling me there’s a chance! — Lloyd Christmas · 1994 That’s as good as money, sir. Those are I. O. U. S. — Lloyd Christmas · 1994

Marley2 quotes

You can be a little old for a lot of things. You're never too old to be afraid. — Marley · 1990 How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. Deep down, you'll always love them. But you can forget that you love them, and you can hurt them and they can hurt you, and that's not just because you're young. — Marley · 1990

Max Bialystock2 quotes

That's it baby, when you got it, flaunt it. — Max Bialystock · 1967 Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation. — Max Bialystock · 1967

Mrs. Doubtfire2 quotes

Well, they say a man who has to buy a big car like that is trying to compensate for smaller genitals. — Mrs. Doubtfire · 1993 They always say the key to a solid marriage is laughter. — Mrs. Doubtfire · 1993

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