Quotes · Skopia

234 quotes

I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992 I said "biiiitch"… — Craig · 2012 Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993 Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love. — Leslie Knope · 2009 This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973 In the grand design, women were drawn from a different set of blueprints. — Dale Cooper · 1990 All 10 quotes →

Food7 quotes

Food and sex. Those are my two passions. — George Costanza · 1997 There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food. — Ron Swanson · 2014 We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third. — Leslie Knope · 2011 It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops. — Elaine Benes · 1997 Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it. — Morty Seinfeld · 1996 All our food: pizza, calzone, buffalo mozzarella, olive oil. These fucks had nothin'. They ate pootsie before we gave them the gift of our cuisine. — Paulie "Walnuts" Gualtieri · 1999 All 7 quotes →

American politics6 quotes

It seems now more certain than ever that the bloody experience of Vietnam is to end in a stalemate. — Walter Cronkite · 1968 The great story here... Is this vast right-wing conspiracy that has been conspiring against my husband since the day he announced for president. — Hillary Rodham Clinton · 1998 No one man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplices. — Edward R. Murrow · 1954 I'm not sitting here because I'm some little woman standing by my man, like Tammy Wynette. I am sitting here because I love him and I respect him, and I honor what he's been through and what we've been through together. — Hillary Rodham Clinton · 1992 Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts. — Kellyanne Conway · 2017 We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat. — Donald Rumsfeld · 2003

Friends6 quotes

You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1995 Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. — Lisa Simpson · 1994 I don’t care how close you are. In the end, your friends are gonna let you down. Family: they’re the only ones you can depend on. — Tony Soprano · 2006 After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away. — Carrie · 2002 I don’t need another friend, I already have two. — Sam Weir · 2000 We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third. — Leslie Knope · 2011

Relationships5 quotes

I said "biiiitch"… — Craig · 2012 Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993 This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993 Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1997 I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1996

Leadership4 quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. — Michael Scott · 2005 All due respect, you got no fucking idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other fucking thing. It’s too much to deal with almost and, in the end, you’re completely alone with it all. — Tony Soprano · 2004 Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes? — Oscar Martinez · 2009 You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes you hit the rocks. — Junior Soprano · 2001

Love4 quotes

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. — Carrie · 2004 What you call love was invented by guys like me... To sell Nylons. — Don Draper · 2007 This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973 If you don't believe in love, what's the point of living? — Ron Swanson · 2009

Misanthropy4 quotes

I just-I can’t stand the sound of the human voice. — Larry David · 2009 I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with. — Larry David · 2002 When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. — George Costanza · 1995 If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. — Ron Swanson · 2012

The human condition4 quotes

There's a saying, every man is put on Earth condemned to die, time and method of execution unknown. — Narrator (Twilight Zone) · 1959 Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... Full of love and courage... Grow up stealthily in their sleep. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1988 I always figured girls knew exactly what they wanted. They knew-they had a plan. Or maybe they didn’t. Maybe they were just as confused as we were. Isn’t that great? It's-it’s horrible. They don’t know either. That means nobody knows. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1989 The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't to search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead. — Mr. Peanutbutter · 2014

Ambition3 quotes

I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes. — Jack Donaghy · 2007 Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business. Neither. I'm in the empire business. — Walter White · 2012 Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute "plans" in my book. — Walter White · 2009

Books3 quotes

A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. — Tyrion Lannister · 2011 What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses-like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it? — Jerry Seinfeld · 1991 What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. — Carl Sagan · 1980

Clothing3 quotes

I like my money right where I can see it-hanging in my closet. — Carrie · 2003 It's after six. What am I, a farmer? — Jack Donaghy · 2006 You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable." — Jerry Seinfeld · 1989

Conversation3 quotes

"Remember when" is the lowest form of conversation. — Tony Soprano · 2007 He wanted to stop and chat with me and I don't know him well enough for a stop and chat. — Larry David · 2001 If you don’t like what is being said, then change the conversation. — Don Draper · 2009

Failure3 quotes

It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat-it's all been wrong. — George Costanza · 1994 Because doing more than the minimum work is my definition of failing. — Jeff Winger · 2009 Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. — Homer Simpson · 1990

Family3 quotes

I don’t care how close you are. In the end, your friends are gonna let you down. Family: they’re the only ones you can depend on. — Tony Soprano · 2006 La familia es todo. — Tio Salamanca · 2010 At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. — Frank Costanza · 1997

Gender relations3 quotes

I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992 I said "biiiitch"… — Craig · 2012 Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love. — Leslie Knope · 2009

Growing up3 quotes

Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day, you’re in diapers; next day, you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house…like a lot of other houses; a yard like a lot of other yards; on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is…after all these years, I still look back…with wonder. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1993 Maybe we both realized that growing up doesn’t have to be so much a straight line as a series of advances and retreats. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1988 Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... Full of love and courage... Grow up stealthily in their sleep. — Narrator (Adult Kevin Arnold) · 1988

Politics3 quotes

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. — Edward R. Murrow · 1954 You think I have time to ask a man why he givin' me money or where he gets his money from? I'll take any motherfucker's money if he givin' it away! — Clay Davis · 2006 One of the great mistakes is to judge policies and programs by their intentions rather than their results. — Milton Friedman · 1975

Red Scare3 quotes

For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own for the children, and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to the Twilight Zone. — Narrator (Twilight Zone) · 1960 No one man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his accomplices. — Edward R. Murrow · 1954 We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason if we…remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes that were, for the moment unpopular. — Edward R. Murrow · 1954

Talking too much3 quotes

Oh, now you’re saying that I’m redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over! — Frasier Crane · 1985 I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out. — Kelly Kapoor · 2010 Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. — Michael Scott · 2009

The past3 quotes

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. — Carrie · 2002 Yeah now, well, the thing about the old days... They the old days. — Slim Charles · 2006 The past is always with us. Where we come from, what we go through, how we go through it; all this shit matters. — D'Angelo Barksdale · 2006

Women3 quotes

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1993 In the grand design, women were drawn from a different set of blueprints. — Dale Cooper · 1990 Women are born with pain built in. It's our physical destiny. Period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don't. They have to seek it out. — Belinda (Fleabag) · 2019

Abortion2 quotes

Get the government out of my fucking snatch. — Selina Meyer · 2014 Okay, no uterus, no opinion. — Rachel Green · 2002

Avoiding responsibility2 quotes

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. — Michael Scott · 2007 Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. — Homer Simpson · 1993

Being single2 quotes

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone. — Larry David · 2011 Celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships. — The Priest · 2019

Breakfast2 quotes

There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food. — Ron Swanson · 2014 Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I worry what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand? — Ron Swanson · 2011

Burdens of leadership2 quotes

All due respect, you got no fucking idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other fucking thing. It’s too much to deal with almost and, in the end, you’re completely alone with it all. — Tony Soprano · 2004 You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes you hit the rocks. — Junior Soprano · 2001

Coffee2 quotes

I'll have a vanilla... One of the vanilla bullshit things. You know, do whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte, cappa thing. You know, whatever you got, I don't care. — Larry David · 2001 A damn fine cup of coffee. — Dale Cooper · 1990

Coping mechanisms2 quotes

There’s no chemical solution to a spiritual problem. — Christopher Moltisanti · 2004 I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart. — Fleabag · 2019

Courtship and dating2 quotes

I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he? — Charlotte (Sex and the City) · 2000 A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone. — Larry David · 2011

Sourced and curated.