Mitch Hedberg · Skopia

Quotes

20

Comedy special · Comedy (stand up)

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Comedy Central Presents · 1999

★ 6.9

Comedy album · Comedy (stand up)

I saw soda pop for $1.20 a six pack, and that price fucks with your head, because then you start to think that you're gonna sell pop.

Strategic Grill Locations · 1999

★ 6.0

Comedy album · Comedy (stand up)

I bought a donut, and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, man, I'll just give you the money, then you give me the donut—end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut.

Strategic Grill Locations · 1999

★ 6.0

Comedy album · Comedy (stand up)

I never joined the Army because "at ease" was never that easy to me. It seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back.

Strategic Grill Locations · 1999

★ 6.0

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