The Quotes canon
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Browse all 10,075 quotes or apply filters in different categories to narrow your search.
Comedy3 quotes
Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before, you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, "how come the kids don't call? How come the kids don't call?" The eighties, you'll have a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? — Mitch Robbins · 1991They're old people. They eat, they sleep, they complain, they watch Family Feud. Oh my god, I wanna be an old person. — Andy Dwyer · 2014You know how old people drive? They drive slow, they sit low. That is their motto. The state flag of Florida should be just a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1998Religious literature3 quotes
With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding. — Job · 500 BCA gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness. — Proverbs 16:31 · 686 BCAnd all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died. — Genesis 5:27 · 1405 BCComedy (play)2 quotes
My age is as a lusty winter,
Frosty but kindly. — William Shakespeare · 1616How much more elder art thou than thy looks! — William Shakespeare · 1598Historical literature2 quotes
Old to grow, but ever learning. — Solon · 119Old age is the harbor of all ills. — Bion of Borysthenes · 240Action1 quote
I'm too old for this shit! — Roger Murtaugh · 1987Action (film)1 quote
I'm too old for this shit! — Roger Murtaugh · 1987Autobiography and memoir1 quote
The abbreviation of time, and the failure of hope, will always tinge with a browner shade the evening of life. — Edward Gibbon · 1794Biography1 quote
That sign of old age: extolling the past at the expense of the present. — Sydney Smith · 1845Buddy movie1 quote
I'm too old for this shit! — Roger Murtaugh · 1987Comedic play1 quote
The old are in a second childhood. — Aristophanes · 423 BCComedy (TV)1 quote
They're old people. They eat, they sleep, they complain, they watch Family Feud. Oh my god, I wanna be an old person. — Andy Dwyer · 2014Comedy (film)1 quote
Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before, you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, "how come the kids don't call? How come the kids don't call?" The eighties, you'll have a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? — Mitch Robbins · 1991Drama1 quote
Just old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, you don't look forward to being cured of. — Mr. Bernstein · 1941Drama (film)1 quote
Just old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, you don't look forward to being cured of. — Mr. Bernstein · 1941Greek theater1 quote
The old are in a second childhood. — Aristophanes · 423 BCPhilosophical literature1 quote
Old age: the crown of life, our play's last act. — Cicero · 44 BCRock music1 quote
I hope I die before I get old. — The Who · 1965Satire1 quote
Every man desires to live long; but no man would be old. — Jonathan Swift · 1727Tragedy (play)1 quote
They say an old man is twice a child. — William Shakespeare · 1616Western1 quote
Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before, you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, "how come the kids don't call? How come the kids don't call?" The eighties, you'll have a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? — Mitch Robbins · 1991Western (film)1 quote
Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before, you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, "how come the kids don't call? How come the kids don't call?" The eighties, you'll have a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? — Mitch Robbins · 1991