The Quotes canon

Sourced and curated.

Every quote has been curated by hand and carefully authenticated.
Browse all 10,075 quotes or apply filters in different categories to narrow your search.
Comedy7 quotes
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Dean Vernon Wormer · 1978If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated. — Elle Woods · 2001Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990I can actually hear you getting fatter. — Richard · 1995If I wanted a kiss, I would have called your mother! — Tommy · 1995All 7 quotes →
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Dean Vernon Wormer · 1978If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated. — Elle Woods · 2001Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990I can actually hear you getting fatter. — Richard · 1995If I wanted a kiss, I would have called your mother! — Tommy · 1995All 7 quotes →
He was not born to shame. Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit. — William Shakespeare · 1597You are not worth the dust which the rude wind Blows in your face. — William Shakespeare · 1606
Action1 quote
You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt. — Bill (Kill Bill: Volume 2) · 2004
You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt. — Bill (Kill Bill: Volume 2) · 2004
Animation1 quote
You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. Farewell! — Buzz Lightyear · 1995
You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. Farewell! — Buzz Lightyear · 1995
Christmas1 quote
Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990
Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990
I do desire we may be better strangers. — William Shakespeare · 1616
Thank God your mommy died givin' birth. If she'd have seen you, she'd have died of shame. — Pappy O'Daniel · 2000
Thank God your mommy died givin' birth. If she'd have seen you, she'd have died of shame. — Pappy O'Daniel · 2000
You play ball like a girl! — Ham Porter · 1993
You play ball like a girl! — Ham Porter · 1993
Crime1 quote
You are not the guy. You're not capable of being the guy. I had a guy, but now I don't. You-are not the guy. — Mike Ehrmantraut · 2011
Crime (TV)1 quote
You are not the guy. You're not capable of being the guy. I had a guy, but now I don't. You-are not the guy. — Mike Ehrmantraut · 2011
Drama1 quote
You are not the guy. You're not capable of being the guy. I had a guy, but now I don't. You-are not the guy. — Mike Ehrmantraut · 2011
Drama (TV)1 quote
You are not the guy. You're not capable of being the guy. I had a guy, but now I don't. You-are not the guy. — Mike Ehrmantraut · 2011
Film noir1 quote
We are protected by the enormity of your stupidity, for a time. — Madame Sebastian · 1946
You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt. — Bill (Kill Bill: Volume 2) · 2004
You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt. — Bill (Kill Bill: Volume 2) · 2004
Why don't you do the world a favor? Pull your lip over your head and swallow. — Max Goldman · 1993
Why don't you do the world a favor? Pull your lip over your head and swallow. — Max Goldman · 1993
Satire1 quote
I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin that Nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth. — Jonathan Swift · 1726
Sports1 quote
You play ball like a girl! — Ham Porter · 1993
You play ball like a girl! — Ham Porter · 1993
If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996
If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996
Spy1 quote
We are protected by the enormity of your stupidity, for a time. — Madame Sebastian · 1946
Spy (film)1 quote
We are protected by the enormity of your stupidity, for a time. — Madame Sebastian · 1946