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Comedy (stand up)23 quotes
Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Cause it’s hard to keep up the lie. 'Cause you can't get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can't get nobody lookin' like you look, actin' like you act, soundin' like you sound. That's right, when you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative! — Chris Rock · 1999What the fuck do women want? I know what you want: everything. — Chris Rock · 1999Prenuptial agreement. Everybody needs a prenup! People think you gotta be rich to get a prenup, oh no! You got 20 million, your wife want 10, big deal, you ain't starvin'. But if you make 30 thousand, and your wife want 15, you might have to kill her! — Chris Rock · 1996You could be the baddest mama on earth. I don’t give a fuck how good you are. Ain't nothing you can say more powerful than, "I’m gonna tell your daddy." — Chris Rock · 1999There ain't a white man in this room that would change places with me. None of ya! None of ya would change places with me...and I'm rich! That's how good it is to be white. — Chris Rock · 1999I am scared of young white boys. If you white and under 21 I am running for the hills. — Chris Rock · 1999All 23 quotes →Comedy5 quotes
They don't grade fathers but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up! — Chris Rock · 2004Long as you live you ain't never gonna see no black vice president. Not while the president's white. They tell you to never say never? I'm saying never. You know why? Cause some black guy would just kill the president, that's why! Shit, I'd do it! — Chris Rock · 1996When you got a career, there ain't enough time in the day. You look at your watch, time just flies, like God damn, whoa, it's 5:35! Damn, I gotta come in early tomorrow and work on my project. Cause there ain't enough time when you got a career. When you got a job, there's too much time. That's right, you look at your watch like, ah shit. 9:08. — Chris Rock · 2009When guys cheat, it’s like we want something new. But then you know what happens? Your woman finds out, and now she’s new. She is never the same again. — Chris Rock · 2018When you’re in a relationship, you’re in a band. And when you’re in a band you have roles that you play in the band. Sometimes you sing lead, and sometimes you’re on tambourine. — Chris Rock · 2008Sports1 quote
Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth—hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile! — Caretaker · 2005Sports (film)1 quote
Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth—hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile! — Caretaker · 2005Sports comedy1 quote
Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth—hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile! — Caretaker · 2005Sports comedy (film)1 quote
Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth—hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile! — Caretaker · 2005