The Quotes canon
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Browse all 10,075 quotes or apply filters in different categories to narrow your search.
Browse all 10,075 quotes or apply filters in different categories to narrow your search.
Men and women5 quotes
I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things. — Elaine Benes · 1994This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993Relationships4 quotes
Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1997I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1996Food3 quotes
Food and sex. Those are my two passions. — George Costanza · 1997It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops. — Elaine Benes · 1997Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it. — Morty Seinfeld · 1996Giving up2 quotes
I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. — George Costanza · 1993You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable." — Jerry Seinfeld · 1989Hating men2 quotes
I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993Relationship challenges2 quotes
Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1997I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much Kramer, I can’t take it. I can’t take it. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1996Talking2 quotes
He’s nice, bit of a close talker. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1994You can't believe this woman. She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going "excuse me?", "what was that?" — Jerry Seinfeld · 1993Abortion1 quote
Okay, no uterus, no opinion. — Rachel Green · 2002Acting white1 quote
Roses are red, violets are blue, Jazz and I are black, but Carlton what are you? — Will Smith · 1990Athleisure1 quote
You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable." — Jerry Seinfeld · 1989Attraction1 quote
This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993Avoiding people1 quote
When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy. — George Costanza · 1995Beer1 quote
I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. How about a first one? — Norm Peterson · 1983Being gay1 quote
We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1993Books1 quote
What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses-like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it? — Jerry Seinfeld · 1991Breaking up1 quote
Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1997Challenges of life1 quote
Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it. — Monica Geller · 1994Clothing1 quote
You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable." — Jerry Seinfeld · 1989Criticizing others1 quote
I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs. — George Costanza · 1995Days of the week1 quote
Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel. — Newman · 1993Delusion1 quote
Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am? — Elaine Benes · 1993Dignity1 quote
I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity? — George Costanza · 1993Downsides of progress1 quote
It's ironic... That we've come all this way, we made all this progress, but you know, we lost the little things, the niceties. — Elaine Benes · 1992Dreams1 quote
My dream is to become hopeless. — George Costanza · 1992Drinking alcohol1 quote
I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. How about a first one? — Norm Peterson · 1983Dysfunctional relationships1 quote
Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993Expression of love1 quote
This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973FOMO1 quote
Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons? — Jerry Seinfeld · 1991Failure1 quote
It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat-it's all been wrong. — George Costanza · 1994Family1 quote
At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. — Frank Costanza · 1997