The Quotes canon
Sourced and curated.
Every quote has been curated by hand and carefully authenticated.
Browse all 10,075 quotes or apply filters in different categories to narrow your search.
Browse all 10,075 quotes or apply filters in different categories to narrow your search.
Jerry Seinfeld12 quotes
He’s nice, bit of a close talker. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1994If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1994You can't believe this woman. She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going "excuse me?", "what was that?" — Jerry Seinfeld · 1993We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1993Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons? — Jerry Seinfeld · 1991You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more. — Jerry Seinfeld · 1995All 12 quotes →George Costanza10 quotes
I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. — George Costanza · 1993My dream is to become hopeless. — George Costanza · 1992Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her. — George Costanza · 1993Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it. — George Costanza · 1995I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity? — George Costanza · 1993It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat-it's all been wrong. — George Costanza · 1994All 10 quotes →Elaine Benes6 quotes
I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. — Elaine Benes · 1992Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am? — Elaine Benes · 1993He’s a re-gifter. — Elaine Benes · 1995I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things. — Elaine Benes · 1994It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops. — Elaine Benes · 1997It's ironic... That we've come all this way, we made all this progress, but you know, we lost the little things, the niceties. — Elaine Benes · 1992Archie Bunker4 quotes
This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith. — Archie Bunker · 1973God don't make no mistakes, that's how he got to be God. — Archie Bunker · 1975Anybody that goes to see a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined! — Archie Bunker · 1972Them Sicilians are famous for two things: Spaghetti and revenge. — Archie Bunker · 1972Frank Costanza2 quotes
George, we’ve had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits. — Frank Costanza · 1997At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. — Frank Costanza · 1997Joey Tribbiani2 quotes
You don’t own a TV? What’s all your furniture pointed at? — Joey Tribbiani · 2003How you doin’? — Joey Tribbiani · 1998Will Smith2 quotes
Roses are red, violets are blue, Jazz and I are black, but Carlton what are you? — Will Smith · 1990Have you always been this stuck up, or did it take, like, years of practice? — Will Smith · 1991Cliff Clavin1 quote
That's when you say one thing and you're actually thinking about a mother. — Cliff Clavin · 1992Frasier Crane1 quote
Oh, now you’re saying that I’m redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over! — Frasier Crane · 1985Jan Brady1 quote
Well all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this or how wonderful Marcia did that, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! — Jan Brady · 1971Monica Geller1 quote
Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it. — Monica Geller · 1994Morty Seinfeld1 quote
Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it. — Morty Seinfeld · 1996Newman1 quote
Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel. — Newman · 1993Norm Peterson1 quote
I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. How about a first one? — Norm Peterson · 1983Rachel Green1 quote
Okay, no uterus, no opinion. — Rachel Green · 2002Timmy1 quote
You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again. That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip-just take one dip and end it. — Timmy · 1993