Sourced and curated.

If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

Seinfeld · 1994

★ 7.4

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Homer Simpson

The Simpsons · 1997

★ 7.3

You can't believe this woman. She's one of these low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going "excuse me?", "what was that?"

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 7.2

I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters.

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 7.1

You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again. That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip-just take one dip and end it.

Timmy

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 6.9

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day, you’re in diapers; next day, you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house…like a lot of other houses; a yard like a lot of other yards; on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is…after all these years, I still look back…with wonder.

The Wonder Years · 1993

★ 6.9

We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 6.5

I'm feeling pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2001

★ 6.5

And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.

The Office · 2009

★ 5.5

What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?

Chief Wiggum

The Simpsons · 1998

★ 5.4

TV show · Comedy (TV)

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Cardinal Ximinez

Monty Python's Flying Circus · 1970

★ 5.3

Truthiness. Now I'm sure some of the word police-the wordinistas-over at Webster's are gonna say, "Hey, that's not a word." Well, anybody who knows me knows I'm no fan of dictionaries or reference books...I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart.

Stephen Colbert

The Colbert Report · 2005

★ 5.3

TV show · Comedy (TV)

It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

Mr Praline

Monty Python's Flying Circus · 1969

★ 5.1

Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

The Office · 2005

★ 4.6

I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.

Seinfeld · 1992

★ 4.0

I do hate myself but it has nothing to do with being Jewish.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2001

★ 4.0

Do you respect wood, Susie?

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2009

★ 4.0

Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?

Seinfeld · 1991

★ 3.9

My dream is to become hopeless.

Seinfeld · 1992

★ 3.9

Jerry, this woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 3.9

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 3.9

Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore.

Lisa Simpson

The Simpsons · 1994

★ 3.9

You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I really can't handle any more.

Seinfeld · 1995

★ 3.9

Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

Seinfeld · 1995

★ 3.9

I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.

Bart Simpson

The Simpsons · 1997

★ 3.9

Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

How you doin’?

Joey Tribbiani

Friends · 1998

★ 3.9

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

Sex and the City · 1999

★ 3.9

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

Sex and the City · 2002

★ 3.9

You don’t own a TV? What’s all your furniture pointed at?

Joey Tribbiani

Friends · 2003

★ 3.9

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.

Sex and the City · 2004

★ 3.9

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.

The Office · 2007

★ 3.9

Treat yo'self.

Tom Haverford

Parks and Recreation · 2011

★ 3.9

TV program · Sketch comedy · Comedy (TV) · Comedy

I said "biiiitch"…

Craig

Key & Peele · 2012

★ 3.9

There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?

Pam Beesly

The Office · 2013

★ 3.9

Get the government out of my fucking snatch.

Selina Meyer

Veep · 2014

★ 3.9

Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

Homer Simpson

The Simpsons · 1993

★ 3.8

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.

Sex and the City · 2002

★ 3.8

Truth that comes from the gut, not books.

Stephen Colbert

2005

★ 3.8

Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

Leslie Knope

Parks and Recreation · 2009

★ 3.8

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say "yes." Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!

Liz Lemon

30 Rock · 2011

★ 3.8

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Ron Swanson

Parks and Recreation · 2012

★ 3.8

This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith.

Archie Bunker

All in the Family · 1973

★ 3.7

God don't make no mistakes, that's how he got to be God.

Archie Bunker

All in the Family · 1975

★ 3.7

Oh, now you’re saying that I’m redundant, that I repeat myself, that I say things over and over!

Frasier Crane

Cheers · 1985

★ 3.7

Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel.

Newman

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 3.7

I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 3.7

It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat-it's all been wrong.

Seinfeld · 1994

★ 3.7

George, we’ve had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits.

Frank Costanza

Seinfeld · 1997

★ 3.7

I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.

The Office · 2007

★ 3.7

Sexually harassing? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turns me on?

Pierce Hawthorne

Community · 2009

★ 3.7

Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?

Oscar Martinez

The Office · 2009

★ 3.7

I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.

Ron Swanson

Parks and Recreation · 2010

★ 3.7

I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name, best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.

Ron Swanson

Parks and Recreation · 2011

★ 3.7

Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.

Jack Donaghy

30 Rock · 2012

★ 3.7

TV program · Comedy (TV) · Drama (TV) · Comedy · Drama

Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely fucking alone.

Fleabag

Fleabag · 2016

★ 3.7

TV program · Comedy (TV) · Drama (TV) · Comedy · Drama

I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart.

Fleabag

Fleabag · 2019

★ 3.7

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

Maybe we both realized that growing up doesn’t have to be so much a straight line as a series of advances and retreats.

I don’t need another friend, I already have two.

The Wonder Years · 1988

★ 3.6

TV program · Comedy (TV) · Drama (TV) · Comedy · Drama

Sam Weir

Freaks and Geeks · 2000

★ 3.6

Siri, why does God allow suffering?

Mike McLintock

Veep · 2014

★ 3.6

TV program · Drama (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Drama · Comedy

That voice, the one that tells you you're worthless and stupid and ugly…it goes away, right?

Hollyhock

Bojack Horseman · 2017

★ 3.6

TV program · Comedy (TV) · Drama (TV) · Comedy · Drama

No, I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, who to love and how to tell them.

Fleabag

Fleabag · 2019

★ 3.6

TV program · Comedy (TV) · Drama (TV) · Comedy · Drama

Women are born with pain built in. It's our physical destiny. Period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don't. They have to seek it out.

Belinda (Fleabag)

Fleabag · 2019

★ 3.6

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

Men and women suffer alone, over the choices they've made. And young boys, full of confusion... Full of fear... Full of love and courage... Grow up stealthily in their sleep.

The truth is in 7th grade, who you are is what other 7th graders say you are. The funny thing is it’s hard to remember the names of the kids you spent so much time trying to impress.

The Wonder Years · 1988

★ 3.5

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there’s someone perfect, who might be searching for us.

The Wonder Years · 1989

★ 3.5

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

Teachers never die. They live in your memory forever. They were there when you arrived, they were there when you left. Like fixtures. Once in a while they taught you something. But not that often. And, you never really knew them, any more than they knew you. Still, for awhile, you believed in them. And-if you were lucky-maybe there was one who believed in you.

The Wonder Years · 1990

★ 3.5

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

Love is never simple. Not for fathers and sons. We spend our lives full of hope and expectations. And most of the time we are bound to fail. But that afternoon as I watched my father sheltering his son against a future that was so unsure, all I knew was they didn’t want to let each other down anymore.

The Wonder Years · 1990

★ 3.5

TV program · Coming of age (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Coming of age · Comedy

He's so stupid, he doesn't realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.

The Wonder Years · 1992

★ 3.5

TV program · Drama (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Drama · Comedy

BoJack Horseman

Bojack Horseman · 2014

★ 3.5

TV program · Comedy (TV) · Drama (TV) · Comedy · Drama

Love is awful. It's awful. It's painful. It's frightening. Makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life, makes you selfish, makes you creepy, makes you obbsessed with your hair, makes you cruel, makes you say and do things you never thought you would do.

The Priest

Fleabag · 2019

★ 3.5

I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes.

Jack Donaghy

30 Rock · 2007

★ 2.9

I’m like an elephant, okay? If I walk into a room, it’s like, "Okay, he’s in there."

Tom Haverford

Parks and Recreation · 2011

★ 2.9

TV program · Drama (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Drama · Comedy

You know, it's funny, when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

Wanda Pierce

Bojack Horseman · 2015

★ 2.9

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.

Kelly Kapoor

The Office · 2010

★ 2.4

Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am?

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 2.3

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.

Monica Geller

Friends · 1994

★ 2.3

I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.

Seinfeld · 1994

★ 2.3

He’s a re-gifter.

I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he?

Seinfeld · 1995

★ 2.3

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

Charlotte (Sex and the City)

Sex and the City · 2000

★ 2.3

Bald asshole? That’s a hate crime. We're a set, we're a group.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2001

★ 2.3

Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

Rachel Green

Friends · 2002

★ 2.3

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

I love you, but I love me more.

Samantha

Sex and the City · 2002

★ 2.3

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

I like my money right where I can see it-hanging in my closet.

Sex and the City · 2003

★ 2.3

There's a jet stream of bullshit coming out of your mouth, my friend.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2004

★ 2.3

I just-I can’t stand the sound of the human voice.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2009

★ 2.3

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses-like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

Seinfeld · 1991

★ 2.2

This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her.

Seinfeld · 1993

★ 2.2

When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy.

Seinfeld · 1995

★ 2.2

I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.

Seinfeld · 1995

★ 2.2

Food and sex. Those are my two passions.

Seinfeld · 1997

★ 2.2

He wanted to stop and chat with me and I don't know him well enough for a stop and chat.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2001

★ 2.2

I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.

I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe-and kneel.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2002

★ 2.2

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

Samantha

Sex and the City · 2002

★ 2.2

TV program · Romantic comedy (TV) · Comedy (TV) · Romantic comedy · Comedy

That’s the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don’t need them anymore.

Sex and the City · 2002

★ 2.2

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

The Office · 2007

★ 2.2

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Curb Your Enthusiasm · 2011

★ 2.2

Jogging is the worst, Chris! I mean, I know it keeps you healthy but, god, at what cost?

Ann Perkins

Parks and Recreation · 2011

★ 2.2

Well all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this or how wonderful Marcia did that, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Jan Brady

The Brady Bunch · 1971

★ 2.1

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."

Seinfeld · 1989

★ 2.1