The Quotes canon
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Comedy212 quotes
My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. — Bluto · 1978Hello. My name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. — Inigo Montoya · 1987Yeah, that's what she said. — Wayne Campbell · 1992Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Dean Vernon Wormer · 1978You'll shoot your eye out. — Mother Parker · 1983That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. — David Wooderson · 1993All 212 quotes →Comedy (film)212 quotes
My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. — Bluto · 1978Hello. My name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. — Inigo Montoya · 1987Yeah, that's what she said. — Wayne Campbell · 1992Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. — Dean Vernon Wormer · 1978You'll shoot your eye out. — Mother Parker · 1983That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. — David Wooderson · 1993All 212 quotes →Christmas19 quotes
You'll shoot your eye out. — Mother Parker · 1983I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! — Kevin · 1990There's room for everyone on the nice list. — Buddy · 2003I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite. — Buddy · 2003Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice. — Ralphie Parker · 1983All 19 quotes →Fantasy16 quotes
Hello. My name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. — Inigo Montoya · 1987Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us together today. Mawage, that blessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. — The Impressive Clergyman · 1987What if there were no tomorrow? — Phil · 1993You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. — Inigo Montoya · 1987Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. — The Man in Black · 1987What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered? — Phil · 1993All 16 quotes →Fantasy (film)16 quotes
Hello. My name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. — Inigo Montoya · 1987Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us together today. Mawage, that blessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. — The Impressive Clergyman · 1987What if there were no tomorrow? — Phil · 1993You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. — Inigo Montoya · 1987Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. — The Man in Black · 1987What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered? — Phil · 1993All 16 quotes →Crime comedy15 quotes
The Dude abides. — The Dude · 1998By the way...I faked every orgasm! — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988That rug really tied the room together, did it not? — Walter Sobchak · 1998Smokey, my friend, you're entering a world of pain. — Walter Sobchak · 1998Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before...birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988All 15 quotes →Crime comedy (film)15 quotes
The Dude abides. — The Dude · 1998By the way...I faked every orgasm! — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988That rug really tied the room together, did it not? — Walter Sobchak · 1998Smokey, my friend, you're entering a world of pain. — Walter Sobchak · 1998Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before...birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights. — Lt. Frank Drebin · 1988All 15 quotes →Christmas (film)13 quotes
I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! — Kevin · 1990There's room for everyone on the nice list. — Buddy · 2003I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite. — Buddy · 2003Keep the change, ya filthy animal! — Johnny · 1990You can be a little old for a lot of things. You're never too old to be afraid. — Marley · 1990I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1...2...10! — Johnny · 1990All 13 quotes →Romantic comedy12 quotes
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. — Harry Burns · 1989I'll have what she's having. — Older Woman Customer · 1989It's amazing, you look like a normal person, but actually, you are the angel of death. — Sally Albright · 1989Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac. — Chazz Reinhold · 2005No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive he always wants to have sex with her. — Harry Burns · 1989A friend in need is a pest. — Jeremy Grey · 2005All 12 quotes →Romantic comedy (film)12 quotes
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. — Harry Burns · 1989I'll have what she's having. — Older Woman Customer · 1989It's amazing, you look like a normal person, but actually, you are the angel of death. — Sally Albright · 1989Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac. — Chazz Reinhold · 2005No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive he always wants to have sex with her. — Harry Burns · 1989A friend in need is a pest. — Jeremy Grey · 2005All 12 quotes →Coming of age9 quotes
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. — David Wooderson · 1993Alright, Alright, Alright. — David Wooderson · 1993Hey, I’ll be watching you, Newton. I only came here to do two things, man: kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we’re almost outta beer. — Clint Bruno · 1993Man, it’s the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. You know, if it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this: the older you do get, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’, man, L-I-V-I-N. — David Wooderson · 1993Hey, guys, one more thing, hey, this summer, when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don’t forget what you’re celebrating, and that’s the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn’t want to pay their taxes. — Ms. Stroud · 1993I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday. — Samantha 'Sam' Baker · 1984All 9 quotes →Coming of age (film)9 quotes
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. — David Wooderson · 1993Alright, Alright, Alright. — David Wooderson · 1993Hey, I’ll be watching you, Newton. I only came here to do two things, man: kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we’re almost outta beer. — Clint Bruno · 1993Man, it’s the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. You know, if it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this: the older you do get, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’, man, L-I-V-I-N. — David Wooderson · 1993Hey, guys, one more thing, hey, this summer, when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don’t forget what you’re celebrating, and that’s the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn’t want to pay their taxes. — Ms. Stroud · 1993I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday. — Samantha 'Sam' Baker · 1984All 9 quotes →Western7 quotes
Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before, you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, "how come the kids don't call? How come the kids don't call?" The eighties, you'll have a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? — Mitch Robbins · 1991No, we will not die like dogs, we will fight like lions because we are the three amigos! — Dusty Bottoms · 1986In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face someday. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo! — Lucky Day · 1986Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you. — El Guapo · 1986Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and find out that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora. — El Guapo · 1986My mind is a raging torrent flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. — Hedley Lamarr · 1974All 7 quotes →Western (film)7 quotes
Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so fast. When you're a teenager, you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you'll have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two o'clock in the afternoon, you have lunch around ten, breakfast the night before, you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate soft yogurt and muttering, "how come the kids don't call? How come the kids don't call?" The eighties, you'll have a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions? — Mitch Robbins · 1991No, we will not die like dogs, we will fight like lions because we are the three amigos! — Dusty Bottoms · 1986In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face someday. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo! — Lucky Day · 1986Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you. — El Guapo · 1986Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and find out that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora. — El Guapo · 1986My mind is a raging torrent flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. — Hedley Lamarr · 1974All 7 quotes →Christmas movie6 quotes
You'll shoot your eye out. — Mother Parker · 1983We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice. — Ralphie Parker · 1983Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us. — Ralphie Parker · 1983In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. — Ralphie Parker · 1983It was all over—I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Mmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me. — Ralphie Parker · 1983Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. — Ralphie Parker · 1983Sports comedy5 quotes
This quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start. — Coach Morris Buttermaker · 1976If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. — Happy Gilmore · 1996I was on this tour for one reason, money. But now I got a new reason, kickin' your ass! — Happy Gilmore · 1996Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. It's circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things. — Potter · 1996Sports comedy (film)5 quotes
This quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start. — Coach Morris Buttermaker · 1976If I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass. — Happy Gilmore · 1996I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. — Happy Gilmore · 1996I was on this tour for one reason, money. But now I got a new reason, kickin' your ass! — Happy Gilmore · 1996Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. It's circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things. — Potter · 1996Comedy drama4 quotes
Well, they say a man who has to buy a big car like that is trying to compensate for smaller genitals. — Mrs. Doubtfire · 1993They always say the key to a solid marriage is laughter. — Mrs. Doubtfire · 1993Do you ever wish you that sometimes you could freeze frame a single moment in your day, look at it and say, "this is not my life?" — Daniel Hillard · 1993We've come to this planet looking for intelligent life. Oops, we made a mistake. — Daniel Hillard · 1993Comedy drama (film)4 quotes
Well, they say a man who has to buy a big car like that is trying to compensate for smaller genitals. — Mrs. Doubtfire · 1993They always say the key to a solid marriage is laughter. — Mrs. Doubtfire · 1993Do you ever wish you that sometimes you could freeze frame a single moment in your day, look at it and say, "this is not my life?" — Daniel Hillard · 1993We've come to this planet looking for intelligent life. Oops, we made a mistake. — Daniel Hillard · 1993Mockumentary3 quotes
Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew. — Borat · 2006There's something about this that's so black, it's like how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black. — Nigel Tufnel · 1984Have...a good...time...all the time. That's my philosophy, Marty. — Viv Savage · 1984Road movie3 quotes
Love...is not a big enough word. It's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife. — Del Griffith · 1987You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. — Neal Page · 1987You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. — Del Griffith · 1987Animation2 quotes
Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. — Anton Ego · 2007Anyone can cook, but only the fearless can be great. — Gusteau · 2007Animation (film)2 quotes
Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. — Anton Ego · 2007Anyone can cook, but only the fearless can be great. — Gusteau · 2007Black comedy2 quotes
I'm hysterical! I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical. I can't stop when I get like this. I can't stop. I'm hysterical. — Leo Bloom · 1967Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation. — Max Bialystock · 1967Black comedy (film)2 quotes
I'm hysterical! I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical. I can't stop when I get like this. I can't stop. I'm hysterical. — Leo Bloom · 1967Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation. — Max Bialystock · 1967Musical comedy2 quotes
Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man? Well, he's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, Miss Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank, ok? And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just give up! — Dewey Finn · 2003Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady. — Dewey Finn · 2003Musical comedy (film)2 quotes
Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man? Well, he's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, Miss Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank, ok? And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just give up! — Dewey Finn · 2003Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady. — Dewey Finn · 2003Action1 quote
Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them. — Gary Johnston · 2004Action (film)1 quote
Maybe feelings are feelings because we can't control them. — Gary Johnston · 2004Musical1 quote
That's it baby, when you got it, flaunt it. — Max Bialystock · 1967