Quotes · Skopia

212 quotes

The Big Lebowski · 1998

★ 1.1

We find it’s always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there’s less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.

Bob Slydell

Office Space · 1999

★ 1.8

Film · Comedy (film) · Western (film) · Comedy · Western

My mind is a raging torrent flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Hedley Lamarr

Blazing Saddles · 1974

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I’m a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood’s gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! “You’re cured, mate.” Bloody do-gooder.

Ex-Leper

Monty Python's Life of Brian · 1979

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen and all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.

Ty Webb

Caddyshack · 1980

★ 1.9

Film · Christmas movie · Comedy (film) · Christmas · Comedy

It was all over—I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Mmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.

Ralphie Parker

A Christmas Story · 1983

★ 1.9

Film · Christmas movie · Comedy (film) · Christmas · Comedy

Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.

Ralphie Parker

A Christmas Story · 1983

★ 1.9

Film · Coming of age (film) · Comedy (film) · Coming of age · Comedy

That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else.

Jim Baker

Sixteen Candles · 1984

★ 1.9

Film · Road movie · Comedy (film) · Comedy

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Del Griffith

Planes, Trains and Automobiles · 1987

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

You know, I started out on clean up, just like you guys. But now…see, I’m washing lettuce. Soon I’ll be on fries; then the grill. A year or two, I make assistant manager, and that’s where the big bucks start rollin' in.

Maurice

Coming to America · 1988

★ 1.9

Film · Crime comedy (film) · Comedy (film) · Crime comedy · Comedy

Protecting the safety of the Queen is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Lt. Frank Drebin

Naked Gun · 1988

★ 1.9

Film · Crime comedy (film) · Comedy (film) · Crime comedy · Comedy

It's disgusting the way they splash this stuff all over the newspapers! What is journalism coming to? You're laying on top of the queen with her legs wrapped around you and they call that news. They can't kick you off the force, Frank! It's just not fair!

Capt. Ed Hocken

Naked Gun · 1988

★ 1.9

Film · Crime comedy (film) · Comedy (film) · Crime comedy · Comedy

Her hair was the color of gold in old paintings. She had a full set of curves and the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day. She was giving me a look I could feel in my hip pocket.

Lt. Frank Drebin

Naked Gun · 1988

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Western (film) · Comedy · Western

No, I like baseball. I just never understood how you guys can spend so much time discussing it. I mean, I've been to games, but I don't memorize who played third base for Pittsburgh in 1960.

Bonnie Rayburn

City Slickers · 1991

★ 1.9

Film · Coming of age (film) · Comedy (film) · Coming of age · Comedy

All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life, remind me to kill myself.

Randall 'Pink' Floyd

Dazed and Confused · 1993

★ 1.9

Film · Coming of age (film) · Comedy (film) · Coming of age · Comedy

Imagine how many people out there right now are fuckin’ man...just goin’ at it.

Ron Slater

Dazed and Confused · 1993

★ 1.9

Film · Sports comedy (film) · Comedy (film) · Sports comedy · Comedy

Oh yeah. Lotta pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. Feel the flow Happy. Feel it. It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. It's circular. Circle, with the music, the flow. All good things.

Potter

Happy Gilmore · 1996

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

No, not again. I...why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window!

Samir

Office Space · 1999

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I think it was, "Blessed are the cheesemakers!"

Spectator I

Monty Python's Life of Brian · 1979

★ 1.9

Film · Christmas movie · Comedy (film) · Christmas · Comedy

In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Ralphie Parker

A Christmas Story · 1983

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I want you to hold onto God's unchanging hand 'cause he helped Joshua fight the Battle of Jericho. Yes. He helped Daniel get out of the lion's den. He helped Gilligan get off the island!

Reverand Brown

Coming to America · 1988

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle, it's called heroic, yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion, it's called murder?

Glen

Wayne's World · 1992

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Fantasy (film) · Comedy · Fantasy

I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude. That's where I see myself in five years. How about you?

Phil

Groundhog Day · 1993

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I'm smart, you're dumb, I'm big, you're little, I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Harry Wormwood

Matilda · 1996

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.

Elise Elliot Atchison

The First Wives Club · 1996

★ 1.9

Film · Crime comedy (film) · Comedy (film) · Crime comedy · Comedy

Life does not stop and start at your convenience you miserable piece of shit.

Walter Sobchak

The Big Lebowski · 1998

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be.

Peter Gibbons

Office Space · 1999

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow.

Bill Lumbergh

Office Space · 1999

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I'd say in a given week, I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.

Peter Gibbons

Office Space · 1999

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious.

Elle's Father

Legally Blonde · 2001

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

Derek Zoolander

Zoolander · 2001

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

People come up to me all the time and say "you should be a model," or, "you look just like a model," or "maybe you should try to be a man who models." And I always have to laugh because I'm so good looking. Of course I'm a model.

Derek Zoolander

Zoolander · 2001

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

Love, it's a motherfucker, huh?

Waiter

Old School · 2003

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be rereleased into the wilderness.

Beanie

Old School · 2003

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

I just got out of a five-and-a-half year relationship so I'm not looking for anything serious, just sexual activity.

Peter Bretter

Forgetting Sarah Marshall · 2008

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.

Denise

Step Brothers · 2008

★ 1.9

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

It's just a flesh wound.

The Black Knight

Monty Python and the Holy Grail · 1975

★ 2.0

Film · Comedy (film) · Comedy

Only the true Messiah denies his divinity!

Female follower

Monty Python's Life of Brian · 1979

★ 2.0

Film · Road movie · Comedy (film) · Comedy

You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting.

Neal Page

Planes, Trains and Automobiles · 1987

★ 2.0

Film · Comedy (film) · Fantasy (film) · Comedy · Fantasy

You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?

The Man in Black

The Princess Bride · 1987

★ 2.0

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